by Randi James
When we talk about doing things for the children, in the best interest of the children, do we really have the children's long-term interest in mind? Will children of today grow up emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually healthy? And who is the right person to make this decision?
We know who the wrong people are: judges and the tools of the family court. And we assume that mothers, in general, are the ones that should make this decision, though society and the court system thwarts this at every step.
But what about when the mother is dead? Who decides for her and her children?
Ask yourself this, if you were to be killed today, would you want your killer to get custody of your children? Would you want your killer's parents to get custody of your children (Grandparents lose adoption fight to parents of man who murdered their daughter)? We've seen both of these scenarios happen.
This following story is about a dead mother having funeral services with, and getting buried next to, the coward who killed her. This was her boyfriend and father of her children. The mother of this murdered mother is responsible for this set up. She insist that it is for the the children.
This is what justice for victims of domestic violence often looks like. What message does this send society? What message does this leave for these children?
6:30 PM EDT, May 4, 2010
Ahoskie, N.C. - The father of a domestic violence victim says his daughter's own family is victimizing her again by burying her next to the man who killed her.
The father of the victim reached out to NewsChannel 3 about his ex-wife's plans to combine the funerals for his daughter and her boyfriend who killed her.
Milton Smith wrote, "I think this is very disrespectful to the Smith family and to the community for this man that killed my daughter to even be in the same church as my daughter. I would like to get someone to stop this funeral. I need your help."
"If Treeshanda knew that he was in the same church with her she would turn over in her casket," Smith said.
"I would like to see this funeral stopped."
Milton Smith is not prepared for a joint funeral tomorrow - for his 28-year-old daughter, Treeshanda Smith, and her 34-year-old boyfriend, Anthony Moore. Ahoskie police say Moore shot and killed Smith before killing himself.
"You think the last time you will ever see your daughter you don't want to look at him and he is the one that put her there," Milton said.
Milton says it was his ex-wife's idea to have Treeshanda and Anthony's funerals together for the sake of their two children. He wants the plans changed before tomorrow.
"Maybe they can take Tony and carry him to another church," Smith said.
Milton says his daughter's boyfriend killed her in a jealous rage. In 2006 he was arrested by Ahoskie police after she took out a domestic violence warrant. He says Treeshanda was trying to move on without Anthony. Milton says he has tried to plead with his ex-wife to change her mind. He even called the funeral home for help.
NewsChannel 3 spoke with Treeshanda's mother's side of the family off camera. They say they are thinking of the 5 and 10-year-old children. They say they are having the two buried at the same time in the same place so the children won't have to go through two funerals.
Milton said his ex-wife also has plans to have Treeshanda and Anthony buried side by side.
Smith added, "You going to take the man that killed your daughter in the same church at the same time and you gone bury her with him?"
Milton says it will be painful to visit his daughter's grave knowing that her killer is buried right next to her.
How old are these children? Will it be completely devastating for them to attend two funerals instead of one? Is it necessary that they attend their mother's killer's--their father's--funeral if they were to be separate?
Understand the argument that the mother is dead, and this is just a body. Understand that children need not suffer any more than they already have, or already are. Understand that in life, women are continuously judged (in the literal sense and otherwise) for how much they place their own interests beneath their children (this begins with conception)--but women do not reap any benefit from society at large for this sacrifice. Understand that for men, there is no such standard.
Does what is played out in life have to be repeated in death?
Again, what does this teach the children?
On another note:
SHEILA BURKE Associated Press Writer
1:39 PM CDT, May 10, 2010
NASHVILLE, Tenn. (AP) — The Tennessee Supreme Court has decided the parents of a man who murdered his estranged wife can adopt the couple's 9-year-old daughter, as opposed to the slain woman's parents.
The decision involved a custody battle over the child of a man who opened fire at the Tennessee Department of Transportation headquarters in Jackson in 2005. David Lynn Jordan was sentenced to death for the murders of his estranged wife, Donna Renee Jordan, and two others.
The unanimous decision held that people who don't have physical custody of a child can still adopt. The girl had been living with her mother's parents when a Madison County judge said her father's parents should be awarded custody.
Justices found that it was in the best interest of the child to live with the paternal grandparents because they had more financial and social resources.
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No child should ever live with the killer of their mother or ANY MEMBER OF THAT FAMILY.
So what if they had more money. Their family should be ordered to pay the victim family restitution then.